all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
