Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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