His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
