So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
