on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
