Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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