I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
