He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You're like the curious george of whores
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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