Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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