Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
