There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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