if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
