Michael Bay diarrhea
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
