yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
