I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
