she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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