I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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