WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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