Can Purell be used as lube?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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