i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
