hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
