Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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