her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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