I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
