Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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