They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
