i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
