I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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