at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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