dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i out mim tonsoeep
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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