Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
