All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
