sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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