Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
