here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
