just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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