her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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