that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
