no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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