It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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