id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
