Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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