every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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