u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
