i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
