party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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