I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
