You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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