the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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