So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
